#I have to fight not to do this every fic
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ok people we gotta stop making mori the source of all evil with soukoku. Yes mori is evil about how he treated yosano and a lot of the pm members but that's a whole other can of worms.
Anyways with skk MORI WOULD NOT TRY TO GET IN THEIR WAY IN FACT HE WOULD ENCOURAGE THEIR ASSES TO GET TOGETHER THIS PANEL EXISTS FOR A REASON.
MORI SHIPS THEM SO BAD ITS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.
Fics need to stop making this dude try to prevent skk from dating. I want a crack fic where mori is just like "Hey how was ur day do u like to kiss guys?" To both dazai and chuuya. I want mori shenanigans where he's actively trying so hard to set them up and Elise is sitting in a corner with kouyou and they're hard core judging him.
#Every skk fic I read is another skk fic where mori is actively getting in the way of skk#I have very complicated feelings about mori ok#hate his ass#But he's also a silly little guy#He fucked up yosano really badly and I absolutely adore yosano she is best girl I will fight you on this#But also he's a pathetic cringe fail wet cat of a man#Do you see where in going with this?#Mori is the definition of morally grey#But uh yeah#I think mori trying to get skk together would make for a fantastic crack fic if anyones interested in writing it#And yes the “how was ur day do u like to kiss guys?” Is from the my while family thinks I'm gay song bc yes#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd chuuya#bsd dazai#soukoku#bsd mori
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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I'm gonna be shitting and screaming and starting fights if Sera becomes a villain. I can't take sibling angst, Sera loves Emily I swear guys believe meeee.
#im making a fanfic of two and a half halos and the mc is Emily and it focuses alot on her and sera's dynamic#ill probablg send it here when im done. in 100 years because i havent finished a fic in 20 centuries#hazbin hotel sera#seraphim#hazbin sera#emily hazbin hotel#hazbin emily#hazbin hotel emily#emily seraphim#hazbin hotel#PLEASE DONT MENTION HAND PLACEMENF PLEASE /S#I WAS DRAWINF THIS AT 3 AM AND I KEPT BLACKINF OUT BUT I KNEW ID LOSE MOTIVATION IF I DIDNT FINISH#I DIDNT NOTICE UNTIL I WAS DONE SO PLS JST- IDK. JST LOOK AT MY BABIES#i headcanon Sera as trans. for pride month i have the idea of putting every ship and character under their pride flags#sooo sera is gonna be covered with a trans flag and emily... also trans becauze everyone is trans becauze o said so#charlie is ALSO trans because i said so#i came up wit trans sera on my own(idk if it existed be4 but i jst thot of it and got all happy cuz she is so trans idc) but#i freaking love trans emoly and trans charlie so for a bit i felt wrong for hc so many characters as trans#rhen i woke up one day and was loke. yeah idgaf they all trans cuz theres not enoigh#like im not gonna ALAAYS depict them as trans except sera(she is 100% trans to me) i like the other hcs for fun. im so srs for sera i 💜 her#sera just wants to hug her huggable sister sometimes and thats ok! 💜💜#art#fanart#artists on tumblr#digital art#*in stupid egg boy voice* i wish Sera would hold ME in her arms... 😔#gave them snouts because i cannot deal with the no noses. it genuinely disturbs me. have yall SEEN velvettes side profile omfg 😨#my babies... i just want them to be happy. why must there be sibling angst... they jst want to do whats right ☹️#im gonna fight to protect Sera from spme of yall fr fr cuz she do not deserve to be SO hated. JST. JST GET TO KNO HER I SWEAR SHE COOL#like i get it. what she doin is wrong. but if you was in her shoes you know you would do the same dont even lieeee 😨
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Yeah we spend a lot of time making fun of Jason for getting knocked out so much and there are a lot of brick jokes in this fandom (and I get why) but can we pause briefly to talk about how traumatic that whole incident was for Leo? He spends several pages thinking he’s responsible for his best friend getting severely injured and potentially dying and I. Don’t find that very funny actually
#jason grace#hoo#moa#heroes of olympus#leo valdez#valgrace#mark of athena#leo valdez angst#pjo hoo toa#<- this sucks platonically or romantically whichever way you look at it just. poor Leo#rick not knowing what to do with Jason and therefore giving him head trauma every few fight scenes is generally kind of comedic#but that scene… poor Leo beats himself up so much despite the fact that it was not his fault and it messed me up actually#it’s even less funny in the context of how long Leo spent beating himself up over his mom‘s death#might also be fun for a hurt/comfort fic. I already have too many projects but like. just saying
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stopped reading a fic just there because it was insisting that thor & co went on many violent adventures pre-movies but of course left poor feeble loki behind cos he's a) feeble and b) blessed with a better understanding of imperialism than the rest, and there are a thousand other fics that also think this is obviously what happened but i think i may just have hit my limit on this one :\
#i know it's partly because if thor is Bad then we need loki to have not been on every one of those violent adventures but...#between this and Benevolent Pacifistic Jotuns i doubt many claims of “but *i* enjoy moral complexity!” in fandom#no you don't you just flipped the usual black-and-white morality in a way that doesn't even fit the story very well#FFS i've already got enough to deal with having to pretend that loki's significantly shorter than thor and as muscular as a stick!#and also he can't physically fight anyone when he clearly fucking does on multiple occasions#(but also he apparently SHOULD have won more fights in the loki series because He's Literally A God)#(ie he can fight if fighting is Good but not if it's Bad)#i'm also not a fan of the clear and rather unpleasant subtext in many fics that But Loki *Is* Better Than Those Ungrateful Peasants#*grabs u by the collar homoerotically* DO YOU BELIEVE IN MONARCHIES OR NOT SUSAN?!?! WHICH IS IT?!!#*stares at your mouth for a long long moment before turning away in disgust and also so you don't notice how aroused i am from our battle*
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(haha happy new year! Heres 6K words of DL ranchers fighting 🤩 [ao3]) dull&slow
There was no feeling like a respawn; it was like jumping off of a building with nothing below to catch you, only to discover you had in fact been fastened into a harness when the bungee cord snapped taut. Except, it also wasn’t like that at all, because the mechanics of respawning—regardless of permanence—did nothing to curb the feeling of death, the actual sensation of dying. All it really did was remove the relief that one might experience had death been final, for what is death but a merciful release from pain?
Jimmy imagined that there were few things that could even begin to feel like what a respawn did—the simultaneous cracking of all your joints at once in a manner akin to a human glow stick; ice cream that had been left out on the counter to melt but was then shoved back into the freezer again after only making it to that indescribably viscous stage between solid and liquid; a jam in a paper shredder—the kind where half of the page is relieved and sticking out of the top, completely intact and fine, while the rest is in ribbons below, still warm to the touch at the recent dismemberment.
And that was only the physical aspect—the violent draw of your subconscious from the brink of death to perfect health mid-panic was something else entirely. It never got any easier, no matter how many times he did it (and Jimmy did it a lot).
This was their second respawn, but it was different in the way that it happened unlike it did the first time: together. It was new but not unexpected to shoot up in bed at the ranch, cows mooing to his left and moonlight peaking through the window to his right. Jimmy heaved some breaths in and out; logically, he knew he was fine, but his body remembered the vertigo of falling.
Tango was next to him, still lying back in their small bed staring at the ceiling.
For a few beats, they were quiet, they caught their breath. The buzz of the cicadas outside was heavy in a way, droning alongside the cacophony of cows and the muted clucks of chickens from below ground.
When his eyes began to itch and dry out from staring at nothing and his heaving sounded more like huffing, Jimmy broke the silence first.
“I was leanin’ over the edge…why was I leaning over the edge?” His words were incredulous and barely there, only formed enough to actually get them out of his mouth but not any further. Had Tango not been right next to him, he probably wouldn’t have heard.
Tango sat up, “Jim, hey–hey!” One of Tango’s hands reached behind Jimmy and settled on his shoulder, the other moved across himself to settle on Jimmy’s arm. “It’s okay! It’s only our second life, it was bound to happen sooner or la—”
Jimmy blinked out of his daze to realize Tango was soothing him; It was not shocking in the way it hadn’t happened before—it had actually, in fact, happened quite often—but in the way it was happening now. the combination of noises pushing in all around the ranch, having just lived through dying, again, and Tango’s warmth that he would’ve appreciated any other time, made it all immediately too much. Tango was soothing him—Tango misunderstood.
It was instinct to throw Tango’s arm off of him, to scatter, to stand and create distance, and had Jimmy been in the right state of mind he would’ve explained that and apologized, but Tango’s shocked offense was the last thing he was focusing on.
“No, you—why was I leaning over the edge?”
It was the only thought that had run through his head since he’d woken up and stopped feeling like an egg mid-scramble. Not worry about being on red life, not concern about having been the one to return the favor of killing Tango this time, not upset that things were shaping up like they always did.
Tango wasn’t necessarily wrong to assume that that’s where Jimmy’s thoughts had gone, as that’s usually where they would have. But this was not Jimmy when he was anxious, when he was guilty; This was Jimmy when he was mad.
He was pacing, but he wasn’t aware when it had started. He was just—he couldn’t stop thinking about fish. Or—no, not fish, parasites; there was this parasite he’d heard about that matures in the eye of a fish but reproduces in the belly of a bird. Jimmy had heard this and thought what a stupid, impossible thing—and he’d thought he had shit luck.
That was until he’d heard the rest. Under control of the parasite, infected fish swim closer and closer to the surface of the water, leading it to be spotted and picked up by a bird; the parasite ends up where it needed to be all along, and that damned stupid fish is what gets it there. It doesn’t know what it’s doing, it’s not choosing to swim near the surface—by that point, the parasite is choosing for it—but it’s still—
It just—
The fish gets itself eaten, essentially. The scariest part, Jimmy thought, was that he wasn’t sure the fish even knew. Was it aware it had been infected? Or was it swimming up and up and up and thinking what the fuck am I doing? Was it resting precariously below the surface, watching in fear as the birds circle, knowing all it had to do to avoid being eaten was swim the fuck back down, but for some reason, it just couldn’t?
Jimmy just—why was he leaning over the edge? His hands were wrapped around his stomach, griping his sides, hard. His teeth were grinding together, or he was biting his lip, or he was mumbling nonsense that even he didn’t know what meant.
The floorboards of the ranch creaked and groaned with his pacing, and Tango remained watching from the bed, his face still painted in confusion.
A noise—something caught between a whine and a grumble—worked its way out of Jimmy's throat, and more words came with it.
“I saw them with their bows and arrows out—Joel, Etho, Scott—and I—” He shook his head. “We’d have been fine if I just didn’t peak my head over!”
Jimmy turned back to Tango and pointed at him; Tango blinked, but the accusation delivered wasn’t for him. “And they weren’t even shooting at Grian, at—why weren’t they shooting at anyone else?”
Tango shook his head a little, opened his mouth to reply, but Jimmy wasn’t done. “I don’t understand—I don’t—” he grabbed at his hair and pulled; he bit into his lip again, not stopping when it started to hurt even though he knew Tango must’ve felt the ghost of it too. Jimmy rocked in place, “I even thought it. I thought ‘what are you leaning over the edge for, idiot!’ And then!”
Jimmy spun, but no form of movement could match the direction of his thoughts, the restlessness of his mind. He felt like he was malfunctioning, every action begun and then subsequently aborted in favor of another; as if he could stop it all if he could just get himself to feel physically how he felt mentally, equilibrium a sort of saving grace.
Jimmy hit himself in the head once like he could knock things back into place, fix whatever was loose in there–get the paper to start shredding again; in pieces, maybe, things would be okay. There was a call behind him of stop that, hey, none of that! and the bed creaked as Tango finally made the move to stand.
“I don’t understand,” Jimmy mumbled again. They were inside, but his hair still felt the wind ruffle through it as though he were at high altitude; his hands touched nothing, but he could grip the hardwood of the defense tower all the same, rough and splintering. Joel and Etho had stood so far below, looking up, each with a hand up to their eyes to shield them from the sun. Jimmy remembered every detail about that moment—Grian had been leaning over right next to him. “Stupid parasite and it—why weren’t they shooting at anyone else? All I had to do was not lean over…”
Jimmy startled when Tango spoke again, he’d forgotten for a moment he wasn’t alone.
“I don’t follow—parasite? What pa—”
Right, he wasn’t alone.
“Gosh, and I’ve killed you, too, we’re–we’re red!” Jimmy said, facing Tango again. “And we’re back to nothing, we’ve lost everything—the horns, they’d have taken them by now, surely.” The anger from before seeped back into his voice, and Tango kept his space; a part of Jimmy felt bad at that, but he mostly felt validated. The guilt would come later, his chest didn’t house the room to feel so many things at once.
Though space didn’t mean Tango was willing to stay out of things completely.
“Jimmy, just hold on, I can’t keep up.” Tango was clearly still thrown by the direction things had gone in—he’d been expecting to reassure, not pacify—but Jimmy didn’t have it in him to stop and explain. His hands out like he was corralling a feral animal, he said, “What are you even…? Slow down, alright.”
And maybe that was the last straw—his soulmate, known for his rage, asking him to calm, to slow down; the stark contrast between the Tango standing in front of him—hands splayed, face confused but determined—and the Tango who’d needed to be restrained as the ranch smoldered behind them; the fact that it was Jimmy who was being looked at like a time bomb with not even 5 seconds left to spare.
This time, the accusation was meant for Tango, and Jimmy watched him stumble a little in shock when he received it. He threw his hand out like he’d needed that extra strength to pull the question from him, like his throat wasn’t up for the challenge alone, like he had to prove this was something he wanted to start and start now.
“Why aren’t you mad?”
Tango’s face wound up with disbelief. “What?”
Jimmy’s voice wasn’t made to be raised, but he gave it his best effort. It hurt, in a way—his throat not used to the coarse delivery; it hurt more for the fact that he’d made Tango the object of its direction.
“You’re sitting here, and you’re calm,” he spat. “And—and you’re telling ME to be calm! Me!” Jimmy huffed again at the ridiculousness of the entire situation. “Why aren’t you mad?”
This time as Jimmy spoke, Tango wound down; he visibly CTRL+ALT+DLT-ed, a total system shutdown reboot. His hands dropped back to his sides and he stood up straighter. His face reset until he was just blankly watching Jimmy sputter and steam. He was still in a way Tango rarely was.
Jimmy thought it was the most un-Tango-like thing he’d ever seen, and that just made things worse.
“Because it was going to happen either way, I could’ve just as eas—” its delivery was flat, like Tango knew he was stepping off of a bear trap but onto a landmine; though he did it anyway, and in most circumstances, his dedication to the idea of if at first you don’t succeed! was something Jimmy found endearing. If it wasn’t clear enough already, this was not most circumstances.
Jimmy made a noise of dissent. This wasn’t—
“No, not—that’s not what I meant.”
A few beats of silence. They argued with the awkward hesitation of two people who’d never fought before and therefore didn’t know the procedure; neither of them had had time to memorize their lines. Fight was something they didn’t do—partially because they hadn’t been together long enough to garner the need, and partially because they got along with a simplicity they hadn’t expected. There was a question in this lapse between one comment and the next, an are we really going to do this?
Tango blinked at Jimmy. “You don’t mean why am I not mad at you?”
It would’ve been an easy out if he had. A way to walk them back to familiar ground—the kind where Jimmy was apologetic and guilty and anxious and Tango was steady and reassuring and kind.
He couldn’t lie and say that wasn’t part of it; he was a liability, and he would never be over Tango being his collateral damage.
He looked away from Tango, “Well—”
“Jimmy…” Pity was such an ugly, regretful thing.
“No! No—yes, that’s not what I mean.” And it really wasn’t—at least, not at first, not completely. That was the undertone that would drive all his decisions and thoughts and feelings, it’s true, but this was different. This was—they’d died, Jimmy killed them, and Tango wasn’t upset about it; moreover, Tango was docile, passive. He was—
“Then I don’t understand what you’re asking me.”
—resigned.
Jimmy didn’t yet look back, because he knew it would be his turn to talk when he did. All that he had to explain lacked the rationale to be said aloud; simply put, he was mad because Tango wasn’t.
“You’re gonna have to give me something to go off of here, Jim.”
Eyes still fixed resolutely on the wall, Jimmy repeated the only sentiment he really could express at the time. “You’re not mad…” He let the end trail off, embarrassed it was all he had to offer, knowing it was unfair to Tango, knowing a normal person would’ve been able to voice more; just another way Jimmy fell behind.
“At?”
“At anything!” He was discovering that when he did yell, his voice got high, and he tended to cut off the ends of his words. They shortened, got sucked up into the emotion until they weren’t letters anymore but sounds. “You’re—I had to restrain you, practically, after Scar burned down the ranch! And I wasn’t there, but I heard about last life and I—”
He felt like his sentences were being recorded in takes; start and stop, start—stop, mark! He would sound so much better edited together. He needed a script, surely he’d be able to say the right words had someone else given them to him. He’d do it right then, he knew. Of course arguing, too, was something he wasn’t good at.
Jimmy gestured at Tango, “You’re not mad, at anything, you’re just standin’ here! We’re going to die and it’s like you don’t even…like you’re not upset.” The final clause came out dejected and unsure; it sounded like it belonged to a completely different conversation. If he were reading lines, he’d likely receive notes about consistency and remaining in character. It was hard to do that when he wasn’t sure who he was or was ever supposed to be.
Tango looked no less confused. “That’s how the game works, Jimmy—we’re all going to die at some point.”
“I know that, Tango, I know.” Jimmy bit his lip. “How are you just okay with it?”
Tango’s eyebrows raised in shock, the kind that spoke to his questioning the audacity of something. “Well, I’m not happy about it, bu—”
“You are, though.”
Eyes narrow, frustration finally starting to seep in, Tango said: “No, I’m not.”
“You are!” This felt more tantrum than argument; more whining about not getting his way than making a point about having been wronged; he wasn’t really sure he had been wronged. At least, not by Tango. But he didn’t know how to rewind, he didn’t think there was a going back.
“Damnit, Jimmy, I’m not. You think I want to lose this?”
No, Jimmy didn’t—and that’s why he was so confused.
“Then why aren’t you angry that’s what I don’t…” This line of questioning wasn’t going to work—he’d already discovered that again and again. He needed to figure out a different direction to head in. “Even now I’m yellin’ at you and you’re just there.”
“So now you’re mad because I’m not yelling at you?” Annoyance, frustration, irritation—they were close, but none of them were what Jimmy wanted. Or—not what he wanted but what he needed. People were mad at him far too often for him to crave it in this uncommon time when no one was, but he needed to know Tango was with him on this.
“No, Tango!” Jimmy whined.
“Well you’re not explaining anything, what am I supposed to think? That’s what it sounds like you’re saying to me!” His voice finally at an above-normal volume, Jimmy shrunk; reality wasn’t ever quite like expectation, was it? The simultaneous relief mixed with the guilt, and everything got worse; he thought maybe that’d been his goal all along, he could see it now that it had occurred. And yet, it wasn’t right; sure, Tango was mad—but he still didn’t get it. Tango kept rambling.
“You’re mad that I’m not mad, and you say it’s not about you, but then you’re also mad I’m not yelling at you—which I have yet to figure out, by the way, and—”
Following Tango’s wild hand gestures, Jimmy’s eyes landed on their wall of chests, and he knew what he needed to do. He scooted past Tango, who turned to keep facing him, and started rooting around until he found what he was looking for.
“Oh, and you’re ignoring me too, now, which is neat,” Tango said to his back.
He’d wrapped it in a bundle of spare wool hoping that bed made they wouldn’t need much else and Tango wouldn’t find it on accident, but he pulled it out now and turned back to face Tango gripping it in his hand.
His soulmate shut up immediately, his gaze first on Jimmy’s hand, and then up at his eyes.
“Where did you get that.” The anger was finally there, but Jimmy didn’t immediately respond. “Why do you have that?”
The golden apple was cold in his hand, colder than he thought it should have been. It glowed slightly in the darkness of the ranch, a yellow hue that spread out in a dim radius; he had the bizarre thought that it would've made a good nightlight had it not been illegal. Jimmy had always been a bit scared of the dark (he’d been pleased, then, when the game had started and he found that his soulmate glowed just the same). He didn’t need the apple sitting on the lid of their chests to provide light—not so long as he had Tango; how ironic then that he only got both or none, that consuming—and therefore getting rid of—the apple would rid him of Tango, too.
Jimmy didn’t want to be left alone in the dark, but that was sort of why he looked back at Tango and he said, “I think you should eat it.”
“No.” It was both a response and an expression of disbelief rolled into one; a no, this conversation is not happening, not now, and a no way in hell is that thing getting anywhere near my mouth. The stillness was back, but it was more dangerous this time; less resigned, more preparing to strike.
Jimmy repeated himself, lifting his arm and holding the apple between them as he did. “Tango, you should eat it.”
“No.” Tango shook his head. “Jimmy, I said no.”
“Why not?”
“Why not?” A sardonic, humorless laugh made its way out of Tango, and Jimmy flinched at the sound; a broken echo of their usual selves. “This is a joke, right? There’s something here that I’m missing that makes this all super-happy-funny and we’ll laugh about it in 5 minutes.”
“I’m serious, Tango.”
His hands on his hips, Tango nodded at Jimmy as he said, “you are.” It was deceptively compliant, mockingly understanding. Jimmy was misled often enough in conversation to recognize when he was being set up, but he hadn’t quite yet learned the skill of letting things go; he walked again and again through a door labeled trap! which was how he knew he was doing it now.
“Yes...”
“Serious-serious, you’re seriously asking me why I don’t want to eat a golden apple.” Tango doubling down, Tango continuing to misunderstand, the fact that Jimmy couldn’t blame him for any of it, the feeling of everything at once, and the knowledge that all was out of his control; he felt his eyes well up with tears of frustration.
“That’s what I just said...” Dejected, a clown waiting for the punchline—waiting for others to laugh at his expense; setting up joke after joke, forgetting what it was like to not provide the entertainment.
“Well I just wanted to confirm before I informed you that that’s the stupidest question I’ve ever been asked in my entire life.” It was at this point that Jimmy let out a breath, and a tear fell with it. “Like, wow it’s almost an accomplishment how stupid that question is.”
“Tango…” He’d plead but he knew he didn’t have the right—not in this conversation of his own devising. It wouldn’t be a lie to say he didn’t know how they got here, but it wouldn’t be the truth either.
“Really! I’d make you a ribbon to commemorate and everything if we had literally anything to our name at all.”
Catching the opportunity to jump back in, Jimmy took it. “Okay, that—that’s my point.”
“That I haven't offered to make you a rib—”
Jimmy cut Tango off again before he could stuff the conversation with more nonsense in defense. “That we have nothing—have had nothing since we started!”
It was more than just luck—it was design. There came a point where chance ended, a place coincidence didn’t reach. Jimmy had dwelled long enough in the space between unlucky and doomed to know that one was cyclic, intermittent, while the other was ceaseless, fixed. Luck would come and go, but damnation? That kind of fate had been here since before all of them, and would remain long after.
The subject was taboo, but there wasn’t a single person on this server who was unaware that Jimmy was ill-fated. They poked and prodded him about it, but any level of seriousness to the conversation was buried under veiled laughter and slightly glassy eyes; the kind of sheen to a stare that said even if they tried, they couldn’t know what it was they talked about. To everyone else, Jimmy’s “curse” was a bit they’d overindulged in; to Jimmy, it was a burden he wasn’t allowed to acknowledge. They didn’t let him.
He’d thought maybe…Tango was being forced to share it; maybe something would click; maybe they’d let him have this for just a few weeks.
Jimmy didn’t think he could get any more stupid.
The sarcasm remained equipped, defenses high. “Well, I’m sorry that you think I’m not doing enough to provide for you, Jimmy, bu—”
Jimmy groaned again. “Tango can you be serious for 2 minutes! 2 minutes, please!”
“No!” Tango was looking at him in a way he never did; a look that conveyed I cannot believe you, the underlying sentiment of dismissal that hurt more for it coming from the only person who’d ever really listened to him without reservation.“You know what, no, I cannot. If you’re going to start a ridiculous argument you’re going to get ridiculous responses—you don’t like it, too bad.”
Jimmy had been involved in a lot of ridiculous arguments before—it came with being a reactive person; he existed with defenses always already half-raised, on high alert for anything that might make him the center of negative attention.
But this wasn’t one of them. The ranch, Tango, soulmates—they were easily the most valuable things he’d ever had—and that was why he couldn’t have them. He was going to lose it—he was already losing it; it never hurt so much when he was the only thing he had. “Gosh, dont you get it?! There’s nothing we can do—nothing! I’m gonna kill us, you understand?”
It felt good to say it out loud, to watch Tango blink in the face of such bluntness. Somehow his shock betrayed his lucidity, and proved to Jimmy what he’d feared all along: Tango felt it too.
And that made him circle all the way back to the beginning of this stupid roundabout conversation. Maybe he didn’t know it in so many words, having less time to experience it than Jimmy did but Tango knew—their time was running out; running out in a way it didn’t for anyone else playing these games; running out in a way Jimmy had—until now—never before been allowed to acknowledge. Tango knew.
And Tango wasn’t mad.
“Ugh, this is—this is childish, is what it is! I don’t…I can’t believe this is happening. This is—it’s madness.” What did they bother going in circles for if they were just going to end up right where they’d started?
“You’re the one trying to force feed me a golden apple,” Tango grumbled, eyebrows raised and face mocking as he looked at the cows. A few of them were standing against the fence staring back, mooing insistently; a strange audience for a strange night.
“Because I’m sick of it, Tango!” He was, once again, not the right recipient of this complaint, but what else was Jimmy to do? Seasons of grief built up in one desperate conversation, it was becoming more a list of grievances than a call to action. “Of all of it! Of the jokes, of losing, of—of not being in control of anything, of dying—and you—”
“Me?” Tango huffed, interrupting. “Wow, tell me how you really feel, Jim.”
Jimmy shook his head and looked down, a dismissal; his answer immediate and unhesitant. “No, that’s not what I—”
Sick of Tango—it wasn’t possible, but he saw in his hands that he still clutched the golden apple, and he was reminded again of all the ways in which he was dangerous; of the ways in which he was the heavy rock tied around Tango’s ankle, sinking slowly despite all efforts. He closed his eyes, tight, hard enough to hurt, and swallowed the bile in his throat. “You know what, yeah. I am.”
He looked up again to look at Tango, forcing himself to look determined, sure. “Yes, I’m sick of you.”
“Jimmy…” There was a warning there, but following warnings was never Jimmy’s strong suit.
“I am!” He didn’t think there was much of a chance Tango would believe him, but he loved Tango enough that he owed it to him to try. “I’m sick of you and how calm you’re being. We’re losing everything, again, always and you’re just standin’ around and I’m sick of it, Tango.”
Tango refused to answer, and Jimmy knew to be any convincing at all, he had to commit.
“I’m sick of this place,” he gestured around the ranch, rebuilt since the fire but still nowhere near as advanced as the other bases on the server; they could try and try and try but they’d never reach that level; they couldn’t be allowed to have an actual chance. “and—and how we built it from nothing and it still didn’t matter. We weren’t even doing that bad, and we’re still losing, and I’m sick of that, too!”
Tango standing still, Tango with his hands on his hips, Tango refusing to rise to the bait in Jimmy’s words. “I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t believe me? Fine, I’ll just keep going then.” He shrugged, undeterred, glancing around as if he wasn’t bothered—and his eyes landed on the cows in the corner, still watching them as if simply their being awake meant they’d be getting fed. Jimmy raised the arm with the golden apple, using it to point at them. “These stupid cows mooing all the time—the chickens—might as well just kill ‘em all now, 'cause they’re not going to matter either, are they? I’m over this place, and—and everyone else treating us like a joke.”
He looked back at Tango when he’d finished. “And I know you’re sick of it too, you are.”
“I’m not.” This, finally, was familiar ground—Jimmy projecting, Tango reassuring—but for once, Jimmy wished his anxiety proven right, he wished Tango would give in and admit that this wasn’t what he wanted—that Jimmy wasn’t what he wanted; not if it meant the absence of a fair chance.
“You are, you have to be.” And it was somewhat like begging. Jimmy’s never begged someone to be sick of him before—he was usually pleading for the opposite; how backward, how wrong, everything in him screaming what are you doing?! No one else had ever treated him like Tango did.
He sniffed once—as he was still crying—and kept listing things; the sort of fears it would kill him if Tango validated, but he said them anyway. If there was any chance it’d get Tango to eat the apple and be safe.
“You’re sick of having to cater to me, right? Of having to answer a million questions and reassure.” Tango began to shake his head, but Jimmy ignored it and kept going, stepping closer to his soulmate.
“And I bet you’re sick of losing, too. You don’t want to lose, Tango, not again, right?” It was a low blow, but Tango didn’t look hurt so much as he looked sad; he accepted Jimmy’s meanness as a product of his fear, and he curbed his offense to make room for the heartbreak.
Figures that Jimmy starts a needless argument insulting Tango endlessly and was still the most pitied in the room. He didn’t know if it was a product of his selfishness or Tango’s altruism, but the effect remained the same.
Within arms reach at last, Tango raised a hand but stopped it midway between them, unsure if breaching this distance was yet allowed. When Jimmy didn’t do anything about it, Tango lowered his hand until it rested on the front-facing part of Jimmy’s shoulder, eyebrows furrowed, not trusting that this was over.
Jimmy mirrored Tango with his own hand, feeling the warmth of Tango’s vest and above-average temperature below—the heat that’d been keeping him warm at night when they couldn’t splurge on extra blankets or were sleeping in a half-burned-down building or just because. He only allowed himself to feel it for a second before he pushed—not hard, but enough to make Tango take a step back, more because he wasn’t expecting it than due to force.
“Come on,” Jimmy pled. “Fight back. Get mad, hit me.”
“I’m not going to hit you, Jimmy.”
Jimmy stepped forward and pushed again, both hands; not harder but more firm. “Fight back, Tango, come on.”
“No.” Tango’s face was scrunched together in the most vehement disagreement he could give, and, out of options—out of energy—Jimmy made another noise somewhere between a whine and a groan and raised his hands again, only for Tango to catch them this time and drag Jimmy closer; dropping his hands the second he was within holding distance, one of Tagno’s arms wrapped around him and the other cradled the back of Jimmy’s head as he pulled it down towards his shoulder. Their height difference made it difficult at first, but they’d been practicing for weeks.
Jimmy went without protest, arms at Tango’s waist, screwing his eyes shut tight enough that he could almost pretend he didn’t hear the I’ve got you’s that he didn’t deserve but Tango was nonetheless whispering to the side of his head. He wanted to protest—or, no, he wanted to want to protest; to keep trying until Tango understood, until Jimmy screwed up enough that Tango got fed up and left the way anyone else would’ve done weeks ago, possibly just upon finding out they were paired.
“You’re okay—we’re okay,” Tango said. “I’ve got you. We’re going to be okay,” hand steady on the back of Jimmy’s head, holding fast when he tried to shake it and express his opposition. Jimmy didn’t think that ‘okay’ had a place here, not for them, not anymore.
They were on their last life now, he could feel the effects of being red thrumming through him, though they weren’t as much to blame for the damage he’d caused as he wished; this disaster, like most, was entirely Jimmy’s own.
Still murmuring and offering reassurance, fingers of one hand still scratching through Jimmy’s hair, Tango used his other to gently pry the golden apple from Jimmy—no longer putting up a fight—and toss it away without looking until it rolled on the wood flooring through the gate of the cow pen. Jimmy watched, head still on Tango’s shoulder, as the cows shuffled around for the lobbed apple, mooing increasingly louder until, after a crunch or two, it was assumed no longer there.
He felt more so than heard Tango clear his throat, the motion vibrating through Jimmy like a warning. “I am mad,” Tango whispered, voice only half-formed at the low volume. “I am,” he repeated, “don’t think I’m not.” His tone the kind of calm that only gave way to true anger. “But what can we do?”
Jimmy closed his eyes. He didn’t know.
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
They’re in bed after, facing each other in the dark; Tango watching Jimmy, Jimmy watching their clasped hands between them. Tango’s thumb ran along the ridges and valleys of his knuckles, waiting for something, though he didn’t know what. In his mind, Jimmy was running through all he had to offer—the things he should say, the things he couldn’t voice—but what he kept getting stuck on was:
“I didn’t mean it.”
“I know,” Tango said; not exasperated, not upset, just matter of fact.
Jimmy raised his eyes to Tangos, shaking his head as much as he could while lying down, not willing to risk any more miscommunication, “I’m not sick of it here.”
“I know, Jimmy.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Shhh,” Tango pulled their joined hands until Jimmy scooted forward, head under Tango’s chin, all not forgotten but, at the moment, behind them. They were on their red life, after all—there were other things to worry about.
Jimmy knew that the fact that Tango loved him shouldn’t be one of them, but when it was more than he wanted to live, it was. There was nothing he could do about it now. They would wake up in bed tomorrow and, maybe if they were lucky, the day after that—but there wouldn't be another respawn. They were out of time, out of options—this was it.
Tango loved him, Tango wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t need to press his ear further into Tango’s chest to hear his heartbeat—not when it was an echo of his own—but he did it anyway and tried not to number the beats like a countdown, to assign them values and limitations.
He squeezed Tango tighter, comfort disregarded; it was an offering where words had previously failed him, though there was no guarantee that his message would translate this way either. Physicality was another language Jimmy had never gained proficiency in—pretty much any method of communication verbal or non-verbal was—but he owed it to Tango to try. The trace of his fingers along Tango’s spine said I’m sorry, his breath on Tango’s chest whispered of how he’d spare Tango’s heart from his if he could; forehead to collarbone asked if things could still be normal tomorrow, since there was now a very real possibility that tomorrow was all they had.
He didn’t bother interpreting the response, focus lost as Jimmy tried and failed not to drift away on the subliminal messaging of his own; that this was his loss, his failure, his fault.
If he’d tried, maybe he’d have read the brush of Tango’s fingers through his hair as I don’t mind, the press of lips to the top of his head as reaffirming the deliberate choice being made—the decision to stay, to be a part of this.
But he didn’t. Jimmy was stuck, and not at all like he had thought. Maybe he wasn’t the fish, maybe he was the parasite; the birds were circling and Jimmy could beg all he wanted, but Tango loved him. Tango wasn’t going to swim down.
Tango wasn’t going anywhere.
#know that i held off as long as i could#i wrote this fic 8 months ago. and every time i got close to posting it id go#'you cant do that to the rancher community. you cant drop 6k of the ranchers fighting with no warning'#but i could only stay strong for so long#i need people to be as unwell about this as i am. im sorry i need it#it does not need to be read but at least now i have peace of mind that its out roaming the wild#EDIT: ALSO!!!!! if anyone remembers bright&fast……haha see what I did there 🤩#worm writes#team rancher#jimmy solidarity#tango tek#team rancher fic#double life fic#double life smp
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I wish I could describe to you the noice I just left out something between a whale, a yodeling cat and a snort 😭😭
I've literally been on my phone disassociating for hours so brace yourself
**I referred to the female character as "her" even tho its supposed to be the reader just to make things less weird
First and foremost shes giving me Little mermaid vibes. I'm here for it tho. As someone who had some serious restrictions growing up, I think it's only natural to wonder what's outside your boundaries
I think that her stubbornness and determination is probably part of what's attractive to him. Imagine wanting something so bad you were willing to literally risk everything for it? Also, his people literally worship him and have his whole life. It has to be a bit refreshing to encounter someone who doesn't fully fall in line. Even tho he's very much in a position of power still, she's kind of a slight resistance to him by breaking his biggest rule. As contradicting as it is I get why he likes the defiance.
Her constantly wandering further towards the boarders (so to speak) also gives me Moana vibes... I finally made a Disney plus account yesterday. Sue me (gotta brace for BPWF coming to streaming lol)
The way he tossed a whole person on to dry land like the catch of the day was hot as hell. It shouldn't have been, but it was. The strength. The aggression 🤌
"Do as he says and he will spare you. No matter what he asks." Namora... what kinda deals have you seen make before to say this?? 🤔🤨
Someone should not be able to manage charm while threatening to lie to your parents about your death. The fact you managed that is A+ writing. I sound sarcastic but I mean that sincerely, I'm just judging myself (down BAD)
The smut is well written and I'm going to use what's left of my composure to not act a fool over it but... EVERY other night?? Several times a night?? Got damn can she walk swim?!
Idk if you've ever seen the movie Like Mike but this same thing happens. There's an orphan who asks to meet potential families that want to adopt him. The person running the orphanage wants to keep him there as he's generating money. So he sets up the WORST families for the boy to interview with. It was about as affective as it was here but also hilarious. It should have been obvious it wouldn't work. If someone is optimistic and is shown all the bad of a situation, it will just make the good that much more alluring. I like that she unintentionally forced him to acknowledge the good of the world. Even he can't dent the beauty of certain places. Plus assuming they went on land somewhere in Mexico, it really is beautiful.
does he somehow have a Spidey sense for pregnancy cause....
i wonder who goes to get her for him and if they have any idea what's going on 🤔
This shows a really great progression of the relationship in a condensed way. It's almost like a montage was painted without it being explicitly described. I admire that. The same with the sex. You feel the shift to things being more tender. Accurately depicting emotions during sex/sexual situations is hard. Even movies often struggle to get it right. Being able to do it thru words is a skill I do NOT have (at least not yet) so you should be proud of yourself.
I said it already but I hope there's a part two. This would honestly be fun to read as a fullblown series because of how much there is to tell. There's a bunch of perspectives you could touch on (his thru their time together, hers as she fails at dating, namora catching her/seeing things develop between them, her parents failing at discouraging her etc. ) My mind is literally hardwired to think of all these different "what ifs". I get that your probably working on a bunch of different things for the same reason tho so I respect that.
behold my random ass unhinged thoughts and comments *takes a bow*. The days over so I'm kinda late, but hopefully all this helps you have a better day tomorrow.
Namor likes to find you and use you whenever he pleases. It's a deal you have. He has full access and your family will never find out that you visit the surface.
ooh interesting. A little bit of dark Namor I think.
Summary: It was a scandalous secret you kept with the King, of all people. He took you to the surface to quell your curiosity and in exchange your body belonged to him.
Kind of Yandere!Namor some smut.
Namor hated the surface world. He knew the danger it posed to his people so he actively kept them from it. The only Talokanil that ever saw the surface were those who fought beside and for their king. But in such a sheltered place, no matter how peaceful and self sufficient, there would always be a curious few who wanted to see the world outside.
The King ordered his soldiers to stop any Talokanil who may venture too far from the kingdom or try to see the surface world. It was for their own good that they be kept in the confines of Talokan.
You were one such member of Talokan who yearned to see the surface. To feel the legendary sun on your skin and to see how atrocious it was with your own eyes. You had slowly been testing your luck, swimming closer and closer to the surface at the far edges of the country.
Between the underwater ravines was the only place that no one could see you. One day you finally broke the surface, keeping your eyes above water while you still breathed beneath the surface. The sun was dazzling, the sky a shade of blue you had never seen before. You longed to rise up further and feel the sunlight on the rest of your face, but suddenly you were dragged back into the water.
There was a firm grip on your ankle as you were pulled back into the sea. You couldn't shake off your captor as they sped through the water, through the cyclones and the darkness. Soon, you were surrounded by underwater caves. You stopped fighting and felt your heart sink as you recognized who was dragging you, the King.
Suddenly you were thrown up into one of the caves, broke the surface of the water, and landed harshly on the dry stone. It only took moments for you to begin gasping for water. You had fallen hard onto your hip and couldn't get yourself to stand with the constricting of your lungs keeping you on your knees. You began crawling back towards the pool only for the tanned and winged feet of the King to come into your vision.
With his foot he turned you onto your back. You continued to choke on the air as he crouched over you. From your peripheral you could see the King's commander, Namora, hand something to the King.
"Hush," K'uk'ulkan bent over you and grabbed you by your jaw. You could feel yourself going lightheaded until he placed a breather over your mouth and nose. The rush of water brought you instant relief. The King watched as you regained your senses than stood up.
"Namora, bring her to my tent when she can stand," K'uk'ulkan commanded as he disappeared into the hall of caves.
You took deep breathes and sat up slowly. Namora approached you, shaking her head in disappointment. She offered you her hand as she spoke, "Silly girl. You will regret trying so hard to reach the surface. K'u'kulkan is not pleased."
You could feel yourself shaking, not from the cold but from the fear of being punished. Your parents had told you since childhood to stop daydreaming about the surface world. They had warned you that it was a huge offense to K'uk'ulkan to seek out the outside lands. But you never listened. Even when your father punished you when he found you on the outskirts of the country for the first time. Even when your mother had yelled at you for being insolent and too stubborn for you own good. Now the person who could truly make you regret it had already threatened your life by dragging you so suddenly into the air.
On shaky feet you followed Namora down the halls to a tent that sat in the center of a much larger cave. She left you at the flap entrance and gave you one last look, "Do as he says and he will spare you. No matter what he asks."
With those words as her parting gift, Namora dove into a pool to the side of the tent.
"Come," The voice of the King called to you.
You entered the tent to see the King sitting on a stool, a cape covered his shoulders and part of his chest now. He was writing something in a journal, not looking up at you. You bowed deeply then showed the sign of respect with your hands, "K'uk'ulkan. I am honored to be in your presence."
The King scoffed and looked up from his writings, "Come."
He commanded as he put the book and brush down on a small table next to him. You approached him slowly, not meeting his eyes as he observed you. You could practically feel his eyes raking across your body. Your hands were clasped in front of you and you focused on them. His tan hand found your clasped ones and he pulled you close to him.
You stood now between his spread thighs. From your standing position you were taller than him and looking upon his face. You had never seen the King up close before. The rumors of his handsome face were not unfounded, he was as godly as he was said to be. The piercing eyes, the curve of his nose, and the smirk on his lips. Your heart was racing at the proximity. You could feel his thighs against your own, he ran warmer than anyone you had ever met.
"You are beautiful for such a curious fool," the King mused as he leaned back to look at you. The back handed compliment was unexpected. You looked away, embarrassed. But the king nudged your chin with his knuckle to make you meet his eyes again, "Do you wish to see the surface world?"
You hesitated. You knew he knew the answer, that's why he had so violently dragged you there. But he still waited expectantly, his eyes glimmering with mischief.
"Yes, I've always wanted to see it," You replied, trying not to let your voice tremble in the face of the King.
A smile alighted his lips as he stood, keeping you close to him, your front flush against him. He roughly grabbed your jaw with his hand, looking into your eyes, "What price would you pay to see the surface?"
"Price?" You asked, trying to ignore the heat rising to your cheeks.
His hand moved from your jaw to your cheek, "I can grant you your wish to see the surface, keep it a secret from the rest of Talokan, if you strike a deal with me."
"If I don't?" You asked, defiantly,
The King chuckled in amusement, "I kill you and tell your parents you ventured to the surface like the fool that you are, where you were killed by surface dwellers."
You gulped loudly, surprised by the callous way he threatened your life while still smiling slightly down at you.
"So will you make a deal?" He asked, stroking your cheek affectionately. You tried not to flinch.
"What is the price?" You asked, shivering under his touch.
"You are the price. You will be mine. You will come to my palace whenever I call for you," He purred the words against your cheek, a tinge of amusement in his voice. The King wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer, his hand still on face. "And whenever you wish to see the surface I will take you."
Your heart was racing. You were no young maiden ready to be handed off to a husband. You had accepted a life alone with your fantasies of the surface. The very curiosity that had made many Talokanil turn away from you as an option to court. Now here was your option of not only survival, but getting what you always wished for, more than anything in the whole of Talokan.
"What say you?" The King asked, looking down into your face.
"Deal."
~~~
K'uk'ulkan captured your lips in a consuming kiss as he thrust into you. His hands were around your face while you clawed at his back. Your legs were hooked around his waist as he pounded into the softness of your pussy. You whimpered at the assault on your senses. No matter how many times he took you it was always so intense.
He pulled away, wrapped a hand around your throat, cutting off your blood flow as he sat up and fucked your pussy deeper. You held onto his wrist looking up at the King as his eyes bore into your own. Then with a grunt and three hard thrusts he came. K'uk'ulkan released your neck and peppered your jawline with kisses as he pulled out of you.
You were breathing heavily, body melting into his large bed. He was particularly insatiable tonight. You had lost track of how many times he had filled you, and how many times he had made you cum for him. The King pulled you into his side and kissed your forehead softly. The gesture no longer surprising despite the disconnect of the soft affection to the hard way he used you.
The King had called for you every other night since the deal you had struck with him. During the days when he didn't call you, he would take you to explore the surface.
K'uk'ulkan had been sure to show you the worst of the surface world. He explained the wars, the colonization, and the destruction that had befallen each end of the Earth. He had taken you on a tour of the waste lands, of the ruined waterways, and the polluted tributaries. He tried hard to make you hate the surface world the way he did.
But eventually, realizing that your curiosity was not satiated, he began showing you the beauty left behind. The jungles, the oases of the world, and the elegance of some of the modern societies. He relished in the stories of the ancestors you shared with some of the surface dwellers and how remnants of the old civilizations still remained. You were fascinated in the new world, and enamored by the man who showed it to you.
It was wrong in so many ways, falling for a King who would strike up such a salacious deal. But he had been kind to you in that aspect. That first night he had been gentle. He had taken his time, showing you every part of your body and his that could bring pleasure. The way K'uk'ulkan looked at you when you shared his bed would convince anyone that you were too precious for the world.
You were ashamed to admit that you had fallen so easily under his charms. His kisses and touches pulling wanton moans from you so quickly it made him chuckle against your thigh before he tasted your center. The King had taught you what it meant to be worshipped with his fingers, tongue, and cock.
Some days he was rougher than others. You could tell when a day like that was coming because he would be more quiet when he adventured to the surface with you the day before. The following night when he would call you to his chambers he would waste no time in ripping you from your clothes, throwing you on the bed, and shoving himself inside you.
You hated yourself for liking his rough and dominant side more than the gentle one. He knew this. That's why on nights like this one when he had torn your clothes and told you to get on your knees and take him into your mouth, he had swiped his hand between your legs on your way down. He would lick your arousal from his hand as you took his hard cock into your mouth. The King punctuated his thrusts into your mouth with praises of how wet you were for him every time.
It was now a muscle memory response. The moment someone came to take you to him, your thighs would grow slick with anticipation. You were hungry for him and he had trained that hunger into you.
As you lay in his arms now, he reached over, sliding his hand down your belly to the apex of your thighs. He nudged you to kiss him as he thrust his fingers into your pussy, making you moan.
"Ride me," he whispered into your cheek and you obeyed. You straddled his waist and thrust down onto his hard cock. K'uk'ulkan let his hands roam up and down your body as you fucked him. He pinched your nipple and guided your hips. The King smirked at you as you moaned.
You shifted the angle as you leaned down to capture his lips in a wet kiss. Your tongues swiping against each other. You shifted your hips again and the deep moan he made in response made you smile.
"You siren," he mumbled against your mouth before he flipped you over. He hooked your leg up onto his shoulder as he thrust furiously into you again. You whimpered and moaned with each thrust. You were so close.
"K'uk'ulkan," You barely moaned.
"Tell me what you need, precious girl," he kissed your leg, and palmed your breast as he continued his steady pace.
"I'm so close, please. My king, please."
"Please what?" He smiled down at you again with that mischievous smirk.
"Please make me cum," You moaned, grinding into his thrusts.
"Gladly," his fingers found your clit and he rubbed it in time with his thrusts. You felt yourself grow wetter and more sensitive by the second, '"Cum for me, in yakunaj,"
The words took you by surprise just as the tidal wave of your orgasm crested and hit. You moaned loudly as the King continued his thrusts and ministrations on your clit. You felt his cum spurt inside of you as you came down from the mind shattering pleasure of cumming on the King's cock. A luxury you were now used to.
He did not pull out of you as he pulled your leg back down around his waist. K'uk'ulkan seated himself deeper making both of you groan. He leant forward and leaned his forehead against yours as your heaving breaths intermingled.
The gently kiss he gave you was surprising. Coy almost in how he barely touched your lips. When you opened your eyes there was something in his that was unreadable. Then he pulled away from you completely and left the bed, and the room.
You lay there dumbfounded. Why had he just left you? What had you done wrong? At that moment you felt a queasiness in your stomach that had you rushing to the lavatory to empty your belly of its contents. The King did not return as you sat in the lavatory dry heaving.
....
I know, I know, I left it open ended again. I can't help it.
all comments and reviews and reblogs and tags are appreciated and welcomed.
#If there's one thing I can do it's analyze#And ramble#I have to fight not to do this every fic#Hopefully it actually helps and is t just annoying lol#namor x y/n#namor fic#namor fanfiction#namor imagine#tenoch huerta#Namor
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one other thing that really makes me roll my eyes in dc fics is the insistence that the bats can take down anyone, even their most op teammates. like... you guys know a character doesn't have to be the most physically capable one in the room in order to be interesting or strong in their own right, right? look me in the eye. cass had to save tim from shrike. bane broke bruce's back. mind-controlled kon snapped tim's arm like a twig. trying to make them ~always~ able to counter even the most powerful opponents is so boring im sorry like they can and do lose fights sometimes, and that's interesting actually. they are all incredibly competent martial artists, yes! that doesn't mean they can win every single matchup. that's simply neither the point of nor the strength in their characters.
#like ppl who insist that tim could solo the rest of core four#or that bruce could solo the jl. etc#look me in the eye and tell me that this regular human man (any of them) could beat starfire in a fight.#of course there's elements such as strategy and traps and knowing the environs etc etc#but overall just like. as a general concept. so goddamn annoying#im sure canon does this sometimes too but like. the way the fanon version makes non-bat characters look so stupid...#sorry i just remembered some fic that had a throwaway line like oh of course tim could take kon in an actual fight--#like what do you mean of course. no the fuck he couldn't. tim is some guy. kon is an invulnerable telekinetic alien. i hate you people#he doesn't have to be able to win every single fight in order to be interesting or competent!!! (any of them!!)#next thing you know there's gonna be people insisting bruce could solo superboy prime if he just had enough ~preparation time~#rimi talks
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Hihihi!!!
I am absolutely floored by these prompts, seriously. So to start it off, I humbly request:
“this isn’t up for discussion. i know you’re used to looking out for yourself, but i need you to understand that you don’t have to live like that anymore. i’m here. for as long as i’m around, i’m going to come between you and anything that wants to hurt you.”
For Kennedy and Bucky if you feel so inclined. They are one of my fav couples (although it is so close let me tell you), but obviously only write if it speaks to you!
Can’t wait to see these pieces, Shannon!
-☀️
HI SUNSHINE ANON!!!! (enthusiastically waves) thank you so much for sending this in (plus your others, thank you so so much)! i got so excited seeing this kennedy x bucky request as i was already half-way through writing and realized how well things lined up when i got this request and decided to use it! thank you for the kennedy x bucky love truly!! they are seriously so fun to write and craft and getting to look at a more intimate, raw and emotional side of them here (with that lovely dose of angst and whump and comfort) was exactly what we needed with them! so i humbly present kennedy x bucky in the Stalag :) thank you so so much again! TRULY!! <33333
she'd fight a war herself
(a/n): HELLO FRIENDS!!!! if you recognize any of the few lines here and there from things i've posted related to kennedy and bucky here in the past few days, this is the piece! and the request really lined up with what i was going for here, so i combined the original kennedy x bucky piece i was working on with this one! and here we are! and im sobbing! okay! please enjoy! :)
"Knock, knock."
Kennedy's bruised knuckles tapped against the wooden door to the small library in their bunkhouse, where Bucky Egan was currently sat with one of those older wooden chairs pulled up against the window, staring out into the hazy afternoon. His large overcoat was wrapped around his body, hands shoved deep into the pockets, his hair a little more unruly than normal, and a sour look on his face.
Kennedy had been looking for him for at least an hour since she had left the group which had shifted outside - Annie and Buck's idea of 'getting some sunshine' into the group now that it was finally out.
Gray skies and storm clouds had been their friend for the past few weeks, with muddy pathways and cold winds. Now, with the sun out and a warm breeze in the air, there also seemed to be hope floating about.
Bucky, however, was here, sat inside, closed off, and completely alone. Bucky's eyes slowly shifted from the dusted window, his look both stern and far-off all at once, and his shoulders stood tall. She watched his eyes trail to her hand there on the door - the bruises, the ones she had earned herself, along with the one underneath her eye - and offered nothing but a small smile.
Ever since the kiss, in this very room, Bucky Egan had suddenly become everything.
At breakfast or dinner, where she tried to get herself by his side, or out when they managed to get outside, she'd find a way for just the two of them, to talk, to work through whatever the other was feeling, to take hold of the other's hand. Sometimes, when the nights were long and cold, she'd find herself in his bunk, soft kisses being shared back and forth between the two, his warm hands roaming her body underneath her overcoat and button-up and blanket, keeping her both sane and alive all at once. Things were different. And she tried to hold onto every bit of that in every way. The bruises though were different now. And Bucky had been a pistol about them ever since.
"Whatcha doing in here all alone?" Kennedy said, some of the voices outside coming through the walls, the sunshine coming in through the hazy window, half-reflecting off of Bucky's face in a way that made his skin glow in a way it hadn't in a whole, "I was looking for you." At those words, the corner of Bucky's lips curled upwards a bit. She always seemed to get him to grin.
"Just doing some thinking." Bucky said slowly, a nod to follow, "In my thinking spot." Kennedy chuckled and stepped into the room more, shoving her hands in the pockets of her poor, tattered A2.
"In your thinking spot, huh?" Kennedy said, tilting her head to the side, a small smile on her face, "What's bouncing around in your brain?"
Bucky watched her deeply for a moment, it felt like he was looking at her as intently as he could, as if memorizing her face, her dimples, her freckles, her hair the way it was (and it wasn't pretty). He seemed distracted, off-guard, on the low. Her smile fell and instead, worry began to consume her. Bucky was usually far from the person sitting in front of her now. Her heart pounded a bit.
Moving closer, Bucky looked up at her as she came to stand beside him - she offered an attempt at another smile - before reaching forward and running her fingers over those few loose, wild curls of hair against his forehead.
"What's going on?" she asked quietly, a bit more urgency to her voice, retracting her hand, the touch having been, evidently, both gentle and welcome, "You're never this quiet, Bucky, you're worrying me."
"C'mere." Bucky said, voice low and gruff as he reached out his hands and spread his knees a bit. Kennedy watched him for a moment, the desperation in his eyes, making her heart hurt a bit, as she stepped forward and settled between his lap and leg, wrapping her arm around the back of his neck and reaching up her other hand to cup his cheek.
Softly, she guided his face to her own and watched his eyes again, her thumb brushing gently on his stubbled skin. His hand found her waist, thumb brushing back and forth against her jacket as his other hand came to her knee, the warmth of his hand tingling her skin underneath her pants. It felt so natural to be like this, so close and intimate. If it weren't for the war and their circumstances, she would've said it felt like home.
But with Bucky, she was home.
No matter where they were.
"What's going on?" she asked quietly again, her voice soft as he continued to watch her, gripping her like his life depended on it.
Slowly, her leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips - soft, sweet and slightly desperate, but longing enough that her stomach flipped - she was still getting used to this between them. After everything they said to each other, that moment they shared. Pulling back, he watched her again. She offered a small smile.
"We can't just stay here forever." he said quietly, "This place. Now with the SS showing up." Bucky continued to hold her gaze, the look in his eyes both stern and persistent. He looked crazed deep-down inside. "After hearing what the British did…..those holes. We gotta find a way to do something. To get out. Or even just try….." Bucky whispered, his voice dropping, "There's so much more than this place, Kenny. I know that." Kennedy watched him, cheeks warmed from his touch and his presence and him. She slowly nodded.
"I know." she said softly back, "And we will. But for now, it has to be kept on the low. Nothing crazy. You don't want yourself hurt or killed."
"Just like they did to you?" Bucky said back to her, reaching up to take her hand on his face and gently hold it out beside him, fingers tracing the delicate, broken skin on her knuckles before looking back at her, "I don't want them touching you again." Her insides twisted warmly at his words, that protective bite to his voice that made her warm all over.
"I know, baby," she whispered quietly, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead, a sigh escaping his lips as he leaned his head back against the wall behind the chair, "we'll get through this. You know that." Bucky watched her, the corner of his mouth lifting upwards.
"How many more times do we have to say that before it's true?" he asked her quietly, his words almost hollow, like he was fighting to believe it, "I wish I was more like you with that." Kennedy watched him with a small smile and shrugged.
"Ask Annie Bradshaw and maybe she'd know. She's got quite the effect on a person." Kennedy said and Bucky managed to smile a bit at that.
"You've got quite the effect on me." he said, as she felt her cheeks warm at his words - something she was always trying to fight away - since when did she blush? Bucky continued to watch her and she let him; watching as his eyes explored her face, his hand coming up a few times to wipe back the ginger hair falling from the poorly done braids behind her head. His eyes rested a few times on her own eyes, before they'd fall to her lips or freckled cheeks and then back to her eyes. It seemed to calm him. Keeping him steady. She wanted that for him.
"I've never wanted to get out of a place more," Bucky whispered quietly, a catch almost in his voice, "you know that?" The thoughts just seemed to cycle and he seemed to spiral.
"I know." Kennedy whispered, reaching up to drag her fingers gently through his hair, his grip tightening on her waist, "We all do." Bucky watched her and leaned closer.
"Do you want kids?" he asked her, catching her the slightest bit off guard there - suddenly she felt every part of him touching her, his eyes on her face and she felt her body warm. Watching him for a moment, she nodded.
"Yeah," she said, "always have." Bucky suddenly seemed to grin at her, genuinely grin and she watched as he reached up and ran his fingers over the end of her braid.
"Bet they'd have your hair color. Bright red hair." Bucky said with a small chuckle, "Our kids." Kennedy watched her, her heart hammering in her chest, her eyes fighting to well with tears.
The thought of being a mother had always been a dream of hers - she had a girl in middle school tell her before that she didn't seem like someone who could be a mom. And Kennedy carried that quote with her everywhere she went. Even when she was dating boys from the country club and they'd tell her about the fortunes and promise rings of her future and the chances of what their kids would inherit. Even when she was home, broken-hearted over that loser from her father's business who had told her 'she was too much'. Kennedy always wanted to be a mother, always.
It was something inherent to her very being, to her entire make-up as a woman. To her.
"Your eyes." Kennedy said, testing the waters right back, her voice sounding strained and choked as she spoke, silently hoping Bucky didn't realize too much, "Definitely your eyes." Bucky met her gaze and smiled at her.
"Nah, nah," he said, "your eyes, my ears. Probably." At that, Kennedy let out a snort of laughter and sniffled a bit, looking towards him again.
"I don't want this to sound dumb, but I promised I'd never try to hide things from you…but, you want to have kids? With me?" she asked him quietly, watching as worry and concern built up in his eyes, straightening his shoulders a bit as he did so. She tried a joke. "But I'm a Red Sox fan." Bucky watched her, jaw set, eyes on her.
"I do." he said quietly, entirely serious, "I hope you know this-" gesturing between them, "isn't just nothing to me. You know that. I'm serious about you, Kenny. Why do you think I want to get out so bad? I sit here, day after day, knowing what we could have outside of this shit hole. I'm real serious about this. About us." Bucky continued to watch her. "You know that." Kennedy melted against him a bit, leaning closer, cupping his cheek as she tilted her head to match his.
"I know, I just…." she started, "I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to be a mother in a world like this so….hearing you say that. It just, ya know, made me want it more. With you." Kennedy's big eyes trailed up to Bucky's and she watched him watch her back.
"Why'd you say it that way, Kenny?" Kennedy stared at him, those words from middle school ringing in her head. Over and over. Like a bell toll in the church, an echo off a never-ending cave wall.
"Someone, who clearly was very upset with their life, once told me I wouldn't make a good mother." Kennedy whispered quietly, "And I took it to heart and believed it. For a period of time. For a while." Bucky's eyes grew dark and his grip tightened on her.
"You still believe that shit?" Bucky asked her, voice louder than he seemed to want it to be.
"No." Kennedy said, "I used to let it get to me, but….not anymore. Not after being with this group. With you." Bucky watched her, his gaze softening a bit more as he watched her grin.
"Good." he said quietly, a silence falling between them as they watched each other, these small, shy smiles on their lips in a way Kennedy had never seen Bucky even be before. It was honestly enough to make her giddy inside.
"I just know our kids would be Red Sox fans." she whispered and she watched a wild grin appear on his face as he shook his head.
"No! Nah, nah, you've gone too far there," Bucky said, his face starting to glow, "the second they're able to walk, I'm taking them to a game, Yankees, alright? They're getting the playing cards, all that happy horseshit, okay?" Kennedy let out a laugh as Bucky held her closer.
"But what happens if they choose Red Sox, huh, what would you do?" she said, holding her chin high as Bucky smirked and shook his head.
"Wouldn't you like to know." he said softly back and Kennedy nodded with a grin, "Either way, you'd be the best mom those kiddos would ever have, I know that." Just hearing words like that, some deep and genuine and truthful from someone like Bucky made her heart race and her emotion take hold.
"I don't usually go soft on Red Sox fans anyway, but you might've gotten me, Kenny." Bucky whispered softly, catching her gaze as she stared at him. She brushed her thumb across his cheek again and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips.
With how close they were, she couldn't help but feel him deepen the kiss there, this cracked-open rush of feelings enough for her to feel starved for him as his tongue swiped her bottom lip and a sigh left her lips.
She pulled herself as close as possible to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, her hands exploring his hair as she tilted her head to get more of him to her.
Breaking apart, slightly gasping for breaths of air, his lips danced across her jawline, dotting along her neck before he was there, sucking gently on a spot near her collarbone. It made her giddy, sitting here, despite the situation, with a man, tall, brooding, and a little goofy, kissing her neck and her of all people, like it was life itself.
It made her a little crazy inside - that he wanted her? He wanted a future, a life, kids…with her? Maybe it made her a little crazy, but it was true. Kennedy let out a giggle leave her lips and Bucky pulled back, eyes soft as he looked to her and grinned lazily.
"What are you laughing about?" he asked her, his voice making her insides twist again.
"Us." she whispered back, "You and me." Bucky watched her with a smirk.
"What about us?"
"Our futures." she said quietly, "God, imagine what our lives could be like."
"You see why I'm pushing the get-the-fuck out narrative now, right?" he said and Kennedy cackled at his words and nodded. Bucky watched her fondly and grinned.
"Well, since the door has been shoved wide open, no longer just a foot in the door, you gotta hit me with those baby names, Kenny, let me have 'em." he said, winking at her and grinning effortlessly, like some cool guy in a movie, "I gotta know what little Egans we'll have."
"You're leaving the naming to me?" she asked him with a laugh and Bucky grinned.
"Hell yeah I am," he said with a wider smile, "seriously, what are they." Kennedy softened and then smiled.
"I always thought Florence was a pretty name. For a girl - Flo for short. Margaret - Maggie for short. Charlotte - Charlie for short." Kennedy said and Bucky grinned, "For boys, well…..Gregory for sure. I've always loved Clark or James, Jimmy for short. Robert….Bobby for short."
"You sure are a nicknames type of girl aren't you?" Bucky said and Kennedy grinned.
"What can I say?" she said, "I thought your name was actually Bucky before I found out that was only a nickname and your name was actually Major John Egan. I was convinced, I'll tell ya." Bucky chuckled at that and smiled at her, reaching up to run some strands of hair back away from her face. He watched her in that sickeningly sweet way that made every part of her body melt in a way she couldn't describe.
"What'd they do to you?" Bucky whispered, reaching up to brush his calloused thumb near the tender part of her bruise, his touch gentle on her skin and her body inviting his touch; she felt in every lifetime, she'd invite his touch like a warm spark, a match with a flame waiting to blow.
Kennedy's smile fell as she watched him - the memories raw, it all seemed fresh in her mind and usually nightmares chased reality away. Instead this time, it was both a mix of reality and nightmares that were her everyday waking truth.
"I knew those Kraut doctors would have something for Bessie's cough." Kennedy whispered, pretty mater-of-factly to him softly - she liked this, whispering with him like things were a secret and that for once it was just the two of them - and she liked hearing his voice whispered back, so low and quiet and soft on her ears. She loved his voice. Bucky watched her, thumb brushing on her bruised cheek gently as he did so. She wanted him to look at her like that forever, however long forever could be if it were him.
"I would've done it for you," Bucky said quietly with a nod, "scrounged it for you-"
"No." Kennedy whispered softly, her eyes flashing to his, "You've already done enough for me, Bucky-"
"You got hurt, Kennedy." Bucky said, his voice thick with emotion, choked somewhere in his throat, "They hurt you." Bucky's eyes flashed with pain and Kennedy shut her mouth slowly.
"I know that." Kennedy whispered, "I've gotten hurt before. All the time. Even when I was a kid. And for a friend, for someone like Bessie, I'd do it again." Bucky watched her still.
"They hurt you." Bucky repeated, this time his voice firmer, but shaky, like he was standing out on a balance beam, waiting for the wind to take him and tip him towards the abyss.
Silence fell between them and suddenly Kennedy felt more emotional than she had in days. He cares, her mind seemed to scream, he's saying this because he cares! But her mind couldn't seem to make sense of it, she couldn't seem to get that picture in her mind. She was still in that flightless mode, that build-up-your-walls-and-you-are-fine mode.
"I know." Kennedy whispered her voice shaky, "But I'm okay." Bucky's eyes moved back and forth frantically between hers for a second before focusing on the bruise on her cheek again.
Being this close to him, staring into his gaze, his eyes, knowing that if felt like he could see the deepest parts of her, scared her. In so many ways. In ways she didn't want to have to think about.
Sitting in this silence with him wasn't something she was entirely used to - and she couldn't get her mind to work, to get words formed on her lips. Instead, all she could do was stare right back at him. Convince him with a look that she was okay.
"I don't want you to have to worry about me." Kennedy said quietly, looking up slowly at Bucky with a shy look, "You shouldn't have to worry." Bucky's face moved with a near-grimace, a pained expression flourishing on his features in a way that made Kennedy want to eat her words.
"But I will." Bucky said, his voice louder this time, "Kennedy, look, I…." Bucky's eyes trailed towards the window again, before pulling back to her, "You know, me worrying about you. It….it isn't up for discussion. In my eyes. I know you're used to looking out for yourself, but I need you to understanding that you don't have to live like that anymore." Kennedy's eyes watered.
"I'm here," Bucky said, cupped her cheek firmer this time, looking right into her eyes, desperation flooding his own, "for as long as I'm around, I'm going to come between you and anything that wants to hurt you. Okay?"
"Bucky…." she whispered, but he shook his head and adjusted his grip on her before leaning closer to her.
"They hurt you, Kennedy," Bucky whispered, "and the thought of them laying a single fucking hand on you makes me wanna lose my mind. Touching you. Because you were doing something for a crew member-"
"I don't want you hurt because of me." Kennedy told him quietly, watching as his eyes flicked to hers, pausing mid-sentence.
"Kennedy, I'd taking a fucking bullet for you," Bucky said, watching her with a steady gaze, "I'd do anything for you." Bucky grew quiet. Kennedy watched him back with big eyes.
"Fuck, Kennedy, I love you, I'm in love with you," Bucky whispered, looking up into her eyes, with the purest form of grief and pain and love swirling in his vision, "you worry about the people you love. I'm always gonna worry. Even if you're right beside me."
Kennedy's heart slammed against her chest as she sat wrapped in his arms, breathing the same air he breathed, watching those eyes, memorizing each freckle on his face, every time the muscles moved in his face to make him smile or frown.
Love was a word that had physically hurt her to even say in the past - to her mom, her dad, her brother, to those few guys she had dated and sworn promises and lives with.
Love had never been a word she used well or even understood well.
With Bucky though, she felt she understood love in every which way. In ways that were still to be explored. And no one had ever looked at her with a love like he had - even when she had come to the Stalag, dried blood up half her face, dirt and mud caking her form, starving for life and food and touch, barely being able to acknowledge anything but a bed for a few days, craving everything that was both human and not.
Scorning the world and the place they were in, and every single person.
And Bucky had been by her side and fed her soup and told her stories and held her in the dark as the nightmares and reality seemed to clash in her mind, wrapping her in calming words and blankets made of nothing but thin wool and telling her everything that came to his mind.
It had been Bucky. It'd always be Bucky.
"I'm so in love with you Bucky, you don't even know," Kennedy managed out in a sped up version of what her mind had managed to come up with, "I love you so much. And I don't want you hurt." A tear squeaked out down her face as he watched her.
Slowly, their foreheads met in the small center of space between them, inches between them as Bucky pulled her as close as he physically could to him, the clothes on their very bodies almost too much between them even now.
Slowly and almost achingly, Bucky pressed his lips to hers and she let herself go in that moment. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, hands mused into his hair, his own hands pushed up underneath her shirt and warming her cold skin, dancing near her bra strap and holding her in such a delicate manner, she was sure she could cry about it 10 years in the future.
Bucky's lips were soft, but hungry and by the time his tongue had slipped inside, she couldn't think about anything else. His soft sighs into her mouth, her own mind going a thousand miles a minute with him there so close to her, Kennedy was sure she had entered a world she never wanted to leave.
They came apart gasping for breaths of air before his lips were trailing her jawline, before settling on her neck, and she giggled, curling into his own neck - his jacket nearly smelled like home.
Like Thorpe Abbotts - that hug they'd shared that long night when bombs were going off overhead and Bucky couldn't seem to contain his words or his alcohol.
And God, she had stared at him and sworn she would never think of him again, but here she was, the two of them holding each other in a way she'd never been held before and was thinking of every outcome of their lives past this very point in time.
Bucky's teeth grazed a bit at that soft spot on her neck, before he softly pulled back and kissed her skin gently, peppering that same spot with soft kisses that made her grin into him.
Then, she couldn't help it - giddy with the feel of him there with her and the way he had kissed her, so desperately and hungry, she let out a laugh into his neck and he seemed to feel much of the same of whatever energy she was feeling, because he laughed, too. A low rumble that she felt against her cheek, from his throat, which made her hold onto him so tightly that she never wanted to let go.
"Bucky?" Kennedy whispered against his neck, listening to his heart pulsate - she loved the feel of him right here beneath here - every inch.
"Kenny?" Kennedy pressed a soft kiss to his neck and watched goosebumps appear and a shiver run over his entire body.
"I've never loved someone more than you." she whispered quietly. Bucky tilted his head back and watched her and seeing his eyes so big and soft and there, right in front of her, made her suddenly feel like everything was worth it.
"I love you," he whispered, pressing a peck to her lips before pulling back and smiling at her, "the thinking spot has never let a person down now, has it?"
And then, she was laughing again, clasping a hand over her mouth as she launched her head back.
Laughing with Bucky, God, she'd fight a war herself just to live in this moment with him every night there was in her life.
#CUE ME QUITE LITERALLY SOBBING MY EYES OUT HI AND HELLO??????#this is very much the 'we kissed now what do we do from here' piece and i am honestly obsessed#with every bit of this#bucky fighting to reach kennedy's mind and tell her that it is OKAY if someone cares for u#thats what u do when u love someone#like SHOWING HER ITS OKAY!!! TO LOVE!!! TO CARE!! TO FEEL!!!!#bucky egan the man u are!!!#kennedy needs someone like him - constant and persistent and present at all times#while also willing to fight for his life for her#and turning into a melted candle around her too#like okay can we queue 'unknown / nth' by hozier at this point goddamn#LIKEEEEE anyway dont mind me losing my mind over these two#its just me all the time at this point#kennedy x bucky#kennedy farley#john egan#john egan x oc#silver bullets#mota writings#masters of the air#masters of the air fic#ALSO HELLO TALKING ABOUT HAVING KIDS TOGETHER I AM DONE ... GONE FOR ..... plz feel free to vote for the kid names im so for it !!!!!!
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#DON'T EVER SAY I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR YOU#teehee#anyway... just some rambling in the tags... for old times sake#i want to say that i'm sorry again for disappearing and not leaving behind any updates but i don't even think it's worth it#ssjshh#i was in a fist fight with life that went up and down the hallway and let me tell you i lost BRUTALLY#i don't feel like entertaining anything more specific so i hope the visual is sufficient enough <3#i also enjoy being able to pop in and out as i please#i don't like this blog feeling like an obligation or something i'm tied to at the ankle i just want it here for whenever i need it#that is to say... guys... i'm not rly a kpoppie anymore#i listen to the music every now and then but other than that my participation in this sphere has pretty much dwindled#from time to time i like to see what's happening!#but ya#JUST BEING CANDID#svt will always have a place in my heart tho!#and i was determined to finish that gd fic one way or another#so whether or not you care is up to you!#the fact it's 499 pages and not 500 is going to haunt me#LET ME CHANGE THE FONT LET ME CHANGE THE FONT!
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I...don't feel like Zod would kiss Lana. Shouldn't he be disgusted by humans?
#also Zod!Lex's leather trenchcoat made me think of every Clex fic I've read that has Lex in leather pants#WHAT a trope that one is hoo boy#I feel like the same thing happened to Draco Malfoy weirdly#and around the same time#why do we have a propensity for putting fictional bad boys in sweaty leather#anyways I digress#I dunno that was kinda lame for a season finale for some reason#I was expecting a way bigger fight between Clark and Lex considering they were on an even playing field#they clobbered each other more when they were both human#also also#you just couldn't kill him in the end could you honey?#because you loooooove him#just kiss already#clex#vessel#smallville#not spn
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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characters that make sense to be living in wayne manor without much if any explanation: bruce, alfred, damian, tim, cass
#so so often im reading fic n going like 'STEPH? are you insane'#bruce & alfred: yeah. self explanatory#dick: would but only under circumstances where he Has To for someone else's sake#jason: grown ass man who fights his foster dad every chance he gets#which could also be a description of dick during certain times but i digress#tim: he'd try very hard not to but i can technically imagine him ending up there without a mission related reason so he makes the cut#steph: she has a whole ass mom. disrespectful to her to pretend steph would rather live w bruce tbh#damian: yes but he'd complain about it. at least it has enough room for his personal petting zoo.#cass: enigma. she can do whatever idc enough to figure her out.#she bores me still ngl#the closest i ever got to caring about cass was when i was reading rumors about a scrapped catholic arc for her lol#duke: another where im pretty sure he ends up having relatives that he can go to and having him live w bruce instead feels odd#but also im a new earth bitch not a prime one so idk what his life is like#honorable mention: babs: are you insane. grown ass woman. only semi-recently has been deaged to hell and i do not respect that call from DC#unless she and bruce are married there is no reason for her to be there lmao#i say honorable mention bc that ones rare as hell. thank god.
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broke (racist af, actually. stop fucking saying this): ed needed stede to show him how to take care of his hair and beard and keep himself clean
woke: ed is a very neat guy who dislikes messes and has always known how to look after himself (have you seen his perfect curly hair???)
bespoke: ed and stede bonded over their love of hair and body products and have started a whole sprawling collection that takes up an entire wall in their bathroom, and every time one of them goes shopping they come home with a new oil or soap to try and spend hours in their big tub bathing each other and washing each other's hair
#ofmd#the collection of hair and body products is heavily featured in every fic I'm writing and I'm having a blast thinking of what scents they'd#each like best#I think ed would definitely love sweet smelling flowers because he has a sweet tooth and he likes sweet things in general (fight me on#this)#and i think stede would also like flowers and more citrusy scents too#he'd also buy shit labeled “forest mists” and “meadow memories” and Ed'd be like “babe wtf do meadow memories smell like” and insist on#vetoing every product before it was added to the collection#anyway welcome to my extensive headcanon that I've been completely obsessed with for a week
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Idk if this is just a me thing or what but i can seriously not remember the last time i watched or read an actor's interview about the show/movie they were on, I simply do not care to hear about their interpretation of things. I will come to my own conclusions and nothing anyone involved with the creation of the media can say will hurt me lol.
I think most people would benefit from this advice.
#rhaenicent#house of the dragon#hotd#mine#twitter is melting down about things that emma and olivia are saying about rhaenicent and i have avoided even seeing direct quotes#but it DOESNT MATTER#olivia and emma seem like lovely people (as were milly and emily btw) but we do not need to take their word as gospel nor the showrunners#enjoy what you enjoy and make your own connections and stop relying on validation from those involved with the production of the show#idk if it's cause i'm older now or if because i was fighting in the BELLARKE TRENCHES in 2014-2017 and every press release with#that show was a hot mess that made me want to scream but none of this effects me now i am so passed that phase of my life#all i do is watch my little shows and ship my little ships and look at pretty gifs/amvs and read people's analysis/fics & write my own fic#we dont need to be doing all this and trust me you will be SO much happier <3#also me entering hotd discourse 24 hours before the premiere...it's westeros time BABYYYY
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also my inbox is fr a warzone rn i'm SO behind on like ~50 asks </3 itching to get back, just been trying to focus on actual fic writing when i get in a rare productive swing instead of hrs of drabbling and brainrot lmfaooo but i'll clear up a whole evening eventually to sit down and go thru a ton of them!
#or maybe i'll secretly do that one evening and queue up a shit ton of drabble responses to go up every 30 min teehee#who knows it's always a guessing game w my focus levels#speaking of not to irl–post but i am 2 weeks into new adhd meds and feeling FRIED and it's affecting my writing productivity#so that's my disclaimer/excuse for my lack of posts tbh bc i feel like everything i am writing lately is so lackluster/uninspired#so i don't wanna put out half–assed drabbles when i have so many Thoughts and Feelings about each ask that i wanna put into proper words!!#i'm saving them for when little bursts of inspo break thru the new med brain fog u feel me#and aside from that. slowly slowly working my way thru the (now confirmed: chaptered yikes) dog coded fic <3 slowly but surely anyway ^-^#point is: i am so eager to respond/brainrot to all the ideas in my inbox i don't want u askers to think i am overwhelmed or ignoring asks#just fighting thru tha brain fog such is life we move#johnslittlespoon yaps
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